


Alternative Life

by greenforsnow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Gwaine - Freeform, M/M, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Arthur, Pre-Relationship, Slightly - Freeform, Somewhere in series 5, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:57:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenforsnow/pseuds/greenforsnow
Summary: Merlin calms Arthur down before a battle. Arthur tries not to reveal too much.





	Alternative Life

Arthur sat on a log on the opposite side of the fire from his men. They had gone through enough battles at this point to settle into a routine the night before. The men didn’t press for Arthur to join them, either out of respect for his need to be alone or out of the knowledge the tension before a fight made him likely to lash out, Arthur didn’t know which, but he appreciated being left alone. He picked up his dagger and began sharpening it. It was already sharp. Merlin always made sure his weapons were ready with as much care as he would take himself, but his hands needed something to do. He looked at Merlin now, who was sitting between Gwaine and Elyan. He could not make out their words over the distance and the crackling of the fire, but he could tell Gwaine was telling a story. Merlin leaning in towards him and Gwaine’s hands kept hitting Merlin as he gestured. Merlin didn’t seem to mind, in fact he leaned in closer to say something directly in Gwaine’s ear. Arthur’s stomach tightened at the sight, but he shook his head and looked down at his blade. Gwaine let out a loud bark of laughter causing Arthur to look back up. He wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and , still laughing, said something to the others. Leon rolled his eyes and tossed his bread at Merlin. When Merlin looked up at Leon, laughter still in his eyes he noticed Arthur’s gaze. He lifted his head in question, his eyes suddenly serious. Arthur smiled and turned back to his blade, but Merlin was already standing and walking over. 

Merlin was the only one who did not respect his need for isolation before a battle, of course. He sat down beside Arthur, still holding the chunk of bread Leon had tossed at him. He took a bite and then offered it to Arthur, who shook his head.

“You should really eat something while you can,” Merlin said.

Arthur just shrugged. 

“Are you worried? About tomorrow?” Merlin asked, nudging Arthur’s boot with his own. 

Arthur shook his head, “I don’t worry, Merlin.”

“Right,” Merlin said, “So what are you brooding about?”

“I am not brooding,” Arthur said. “I’m reviewing our battle plan. I need to ensure that everything go smooth.”

Merlin furrowed his brow. “There’s only so much preparing you can do. Your plan is good. Your men are good. You are—” he paused, looking at Arthur’s face, “Arthur? What’s wrong?”

Arthur sighed, looked down, “I’m just tired,” he said in a low voice, “It feels like all I’ve done as king is put the lives of good men at risk.”

“You know all of these men follow you willingly. They gladly lay down their lives for the world you are building. They believe in you,” Merlin said. 

Arthur had to look away from the intensity in his servant's eyes. He sometimes didn’t feel he deserved the way Merlin spoke when he got like this. “I just wish building felt less like destruction,” Arthur said, softly. 

Merlin frowned. “Alright,” he said, “You are brooding and that’s not going to help.”

Arthur opened his mouth to protest. 

“No,” Merlin cut him off, “You are. And I’m not going to allow it.”

“The fact that you think that you have the authority to allow or not allow me to do anything really proves that you have learned nothing—” 

“Something I like to do,” Merlin interrupted him again with a pointed look. Arthur threw up his hands in defeat and rolled his eyes. “When I am in a bad situation, like say, washing your socks is just imagine an alternative life. If I were to just run away from everything and start again. So tell me, no crown, not duties, just you. Where are you? What are you doing?”

“Washing my socks can’t be that bad,” Arthur said.

“Oh it’s bad enough that I have to pretend I’m some rich merchant traveling from town to town in a gold plate carriage. Eating only strawberries and pastries,” Merlin grinned at Arthur who snorted with laughter.

“That would be a site,” he said.

“So what will it be, my lord?”

“I always told Gwen I’d want to go off and have a farm somewhere,” Arthur said. Merlin stiffened at the mention of Gwen, looking carefully at Arthur’s face like he was waiting for him to break down, but Arthur just kept talking, “Live off of the land, no other responsibilities.”

“You realize that farming requires quite a bit of work, right?”

Arthur laughed, “Why does everyone think I’m incapable of physical labor? I’ll have you know I am very strong.”

“It’s not your strength I doubt,” Merlin said, “All I’m saying is after years of having everyone do all your hard work for you-- “

“Are you calling me lazy?” Arthur interrupted.

“Certainly not. I would never call my king lazy. That would be treasonous, as you’ve informed me many times before,” Merlin said with a grin at Arthur. 

Arthur nudged him playfully, “Maybe you are learning something. Anyway it doesn't matter. You’d be with me in this situation, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Merlin repeated. “So what would my duties be?”

“Not duties Merlin. Remember I wouldn't be your king anymore,” Arthur said, “We could both work in the fields. Although I don’t know with those scrawny arms of yours—”

“Hey, my arms are not scrawny!” Merlin protested. “I have to lug all of your stuff around all day long. Here feel this,” Merlin made a fist and flexed his arm while placing Arthur’s hand on top of the arm. 

Arthur swallowed. He had noticed Merlin getting stronger, of course. But he tried not to think too much about the lean figure under Merlin’s baggy clothes. He squeezed the tightened muscle. 

“See?” Merlin said after a moment. 

Arthur realized he was still holding on to the other man’s arm and quickly dropped his hand. He cleared his throat. “Alright, alright. You’ll make excellent contributions to the farming effort. We’ll barely have use for the horse,”Arthur said. “You’ll do the cooking and cleaning too,” he added. 

“So, I’m plowing the fields, and cooking, and cleaning. This is sounding less and less like a pleasant escape for me,” Merlin said.

“Well it’s my escape not yours,” Arthur said. He paused and looked at Merlin, “You can have strawberries I suppose.”

“And you’ll make me pastries?” Merlin asked, grinning up at Arthur. 

“You’re quite demanding,” Arthur said.

“Hey, if I’m still washing your socks in this fantasy I at least deserve some pastries— with cream and honey—” Merlin trailed off. His eyes looked slightly glazed over and he had a soft goofy smile on his face. 

Arthur couldn’t help grinning at him, “Fine, I’ll make you pastries.”

“Good,” Merlin said with a nod and a smile. “Although, on second thought, you do not have the best history trying to cook. I don’t want to be poisoned by your tarts.”

“I can learn new skills. I’m a very fast learner. You can have the horse test if first though, if you are really that concerned.” 

“What? I’m not going to subject the horse to that. Plus, if the horse dies my work is doubled,” Merlin said. 

“You were the one who insisted I cook for you,” Arthur said nudging Merlin with his shoulder. 

“Well you were the one who took me away from my decadent life in a gold carriage to another life of servitude,” Merlin rebutted. 

“Your fantasy was ridiculous. You can’t live on pastries and strawberries alone. You’ll waste away. And how were you going to defend yourself against the bandits your gaudy and unwieldy carriage would surely attract?”

“You would be my bodyguard, obviously,” Merlin said simply. 

“Obviously,” Arthur said with a smile. He felt warm and content now with Merlin by his side— comfortable knowing that Merlin also felt he would always be by his side. “Alright,” Arthur said, “I’ll do some of the cleaning as well. Just think how nice it would be— waking up every morning knowing exactly what must be done, no moral dilemmas, work hard and then eat good hot stew at night, go to bed knowing you’ve done everything you could with no lingering doubts or questions. At peace and able to sleep soundly.” Arthur had closed his eyes and was smiling now, “Of course we’d have to make sure we have a great big blanket to sleep under. It would be cold and I have a suspicion you would hog the blanket for yourself,” Arthur said with a laugh on his lips and then froze, realizing what he had just said. It was bad enough to fantasize about running away from all his responsibilities with his manservant. It was a whole other to fantasize about having the kind of life where they shared a bed at night. Let alone admit that aloud. He took a breath and opened his eyes to look over at Merlin whose face was somewhere between a laugh and a question. Arthur swallowed. He felt his face heating and hoped it was too dark for Merlin to notice. He didn’t know if it would be better to try to explain that lapse or just pretend it never happened. 

“Uh,” Arthur said, not having decided on either option, but feeling the need to break the sudden silence. 

Merlin’s expression still looked confused, but then it sombered. “This isn’t going to work you realize.”

“What?” Arthur said. He was very much aware of how close Merlin was sitting to him now. Their legs were pressed together along their entire length. 

“I mean— you’d be able to stay away for three days at the most,” Merlin said with a kind of sad smile, “You care far too much about this kingdom. You were born to be king. A great king at that. There’s no other path for you.” Arthur met Merlin’s eyes and felt himself flush again. Merlin looked so fierce in that moment— looked so proud and stubborn— that it made Arthur believe he was right. 

“Merlin,” he began softly. He was never quite sure what to say in moments like these. 

Merlin seemed to realize that he was still staring into Arthur’s eyes. He looked down and quickly added, “You’re far too good at ordering people around to be anything else. Someone as bossy and egotistical as you has to be a King of some sort, otherwise it’s just a waste.” Merlin was grinning when he met Arthur’s eyes again. 

“Careful now,” Arthur said, although he was smiling too. 

Merlin smirked. “Feeling better?” He asked. 

“I was feeling fine before,” Arthur said. He didn’t like to admit how much better Merlin made him feel. It was too close to admitting how much he needed him, which was also very close to admitting how much he cared for him, how much he wanted him. All of which was something Arthur tried his hardest not to spend much time dwelling on. It wasn’t appropriate or useful to spend his time pining over something that he could never truly have. Merlin was right; it wouldn’t work. They both had responsibilities to something bigger than their own desires. However, when he looked at Merlin smiling wildly at him he couldn’t help the warmth that spread through his chest. “Thank you,” he said quietly. He clasped Merlin on the shoulder and then let his hand fall down the other man’s arm. He allowed himself a gentle but quick squeeze of Merlin’s fingers before he stood. Merlin was looking at his hand now, smiling broadly, and though it was hard to see in the firelight, Arthur could swear there was a pink tint across his cheekbones. Arthur smiled to himself as he walked back to his tent; that alone was enough for now.


End file.
